Tag Archives: people

Learning The Careful Dance Between Emotions And Logic

Graphic by Psychologymd

Graphic by Psychologymd

It can be hard to know whether you give your emotions or your logic more power.

How often do you make decisions that, in hindsight, were led more by what you felt in the moment than what made sense in the grand scheme of things? Do you find yourself led more by your emotions or your logic?

I’m guilty of allowing my emotions to steer my direction. It’s human nature.

Over a cup of coffee with a good friend last week, this subject became a little more discernible, and understanding that there is a careful dance we do between these two seemingly different decision-making tools can determine a lot about the direction we’re headed and the progress we make in reaching our goals.

I’m a pretty emotional person, particularly when it comes to loyalty and relationships. I’m very passionate about people I like, and when I get a strong feeling about someone, sometimes I ignore what my mind might say and listen only to the feelings. Sometimes this is a good thing. I’ve had friends that have been incredibly beneficial to me, though their look or social crowd was a bit too dangerous for some of my other relationships. That didn’t matter, I liked them and we got along just fine.

Sometimes the emotions-over-logic is not a good thing, like choosing to dislike a school based entirely on the behaviors of one person. For instance, I honestly don’t like Texas A&M the school (or the football team in particular) based solely on my dislike for Johnny Manziel. Everything about that guy’s attitude, behavior, and social philosophies disagrees with both my logic and emotions. To be curt: I can’t stand the dude.

Yes, emotions run high for me when it comes to some things (football in particular).

And yes, it’s also a problem that I allow someone’s behavior to determine how I feel about a brand he’s associated with. It’s wrong, I know it. But I feel……

I have a lot of good friends who went to A&M. I don’t dislike them for their college, but I do dislike the school all because of one individual’s behavior.

That’s really flawed on my part.

Emotions can be a detriment to positive decision making

Let me take it a step closer to home for you. Think about the last time you bought something. Did your brain tell you that you needed it and it would serve a purpose that benefited you, or did your emotions tell you that you wanted it and had to have it? Whether you were in a store or clicked on a link to a website, once you paid the bill it was done. Either your emotions or your logic won out.

Sometimes emotions and logic will come together in a very close, passionate slow dance where both elements are on the same page. When this happens, decision-making is really fluid and beneficial to you. Usually these are really big-picture choices. For me, marrying Mrs. Smith and buying a house in the country that needed a lot of work was both an emotional and logical decision. Choosing to set out on my own as a self-employed person in my 30s and leave the 9-to-5 world was a choice made with both emotion and logic.

Big picture decisions need both of those players in the mix to be best for the short and long term success

However, that’s a careful dance to learn because usually it’s much easier to listen to our emotions than it is our minds. Our emotions give us feelings that we either want to experience again and again or run like hell away from. Unless we’re really in tune with the logical part of ourselves, the brain doesn’t have the same negotiating power that our feelings do.

Usually we realize this after the fact when it comes to buying something, when what we bought either didn’t fulfill the emotional appeal or if we don’t see the big results that were promised to us.

Has that happened to you too?

I talk a lot about embracing the process and not going for the shortcut routes that are presented to us to achieve the goals we set. I’m honestly guilty of doing it too at times, unless I check myself. This is something I’m still learning and processing through just like you are.

Have you invested in something to grow your project, music, business, or similar this year? Was the desire to be able to overcome big obstacles by “buying in” to a product what led you to make the decision? I have a few times this year. To be very transparent with you, I’ve invested in a few different products this year to make me better at what I do as a coach, teacher, leader, and service provider. Some of these investments have paid a good return in both results and in improving my abilities. Some of them were just crocks.

The feeling of having spent $$$ on a crock sucks. Often it outweighs the positives that come from having picked a winner, at least with how we feel. Winning feels great. Yet when emotions are at play with the crocks, those feelings can outshine the positives that logic might be trying to communicate.

Putting the dance moves into play this month

It’s Christmas season, which means you are probably in shopping mode for your friends and family. We’ve made a choice in the Smith clan to not go hog-wild over Christmas present buying, and instead find new ways to show our love for those closest to us this holiday season. We’re wanting to showcase our emotions for those we love, and do it in a way that benefits both parties. There’s a careful dance there. Fortunately for me, Mrs. Smith is the best DIY person on earth and what she cooks up for gifts is always a winner.

This is a time of year when emotions run high, not always in a good way. It’s what makes the night-time news for people to have fistfights over a toy at a store that is 65% off and supplies are running out. There’s no logic in doing something like that, not if anything other than a selfish play is at hand. Being mindful of this during the Christmas holidays takes vigilance, but it’s something you and I can both do.

I’m looking closer at what fuels our decision-making, and noticing this dance more and more. For me to reach the goals I have set in this coming new year, I can’t ignore one for the other, choosing logic over emotions every time or vice versa. There has to be a balance. I’m still learning what that balance involves and how to do it better.

Christmas with Brody (my photogenic male cat)

Christmas with Brody (my photogenic male cat)

Those who excel at this balance between feelings (emotions) and mindfulness (logic) are also those who have profound levels of wisdom. Knowledge may produce power, but wisdom brings peace.

What about you? Is this something you have struggled with too or are looking back on 2015 and wondering what led to some of the decisions you’ve made, particularly buying ones? Share your story with me in the comments and let’s talk.

 

 

 

Who I Am And What I’m Really All About

DGS-StairsProfileHeadshotThis isn’t a typical blog post, with tips or insights into growth strategies. Instead, I just want to shoot from the hip with a little insight about why I post the content I do each week, what drives the subject matter, and who I am so that you can have a better grid for connecting with me.

In the end, that’s what I’m striving for with this online platform: connecting with you.

We connect with people we relate to, folks whose stories are similar to ours and who show us a part of who they are that syncs with who we are.

I work in two seemingly different fields (music and the entrepreneurial business world), but actually they’re very similar. You can read the About page for more of my history, but all of those experiences lead to very concrete ways of doing things in a practical sense, especially since what I do involves working one-on-one with people.

Instead of a narrative, I’ve been asked some questions in an interview format that I’ll share with you so you can know a little more about why I do what I do (and more specifics on the what as well).

Q: What are you passionate about in your career?

I’m excited and passionate about people. I spent a very long time in life being afraid of people, scared for a few different reasons, but mostly thinking that I wouldn’t be taken seriously, or worse, taken advantage of. In the past few years I’ve come out of that shell, thanks to many great people including mentors and my amazing wife.

It’s people who have reshaped my career. Working both in radio, the music industry, and the nonprofit sector, I’ve been incredibly blessed to have been impacted through the relationships, networking, and mentoring of some great individuals who changed the way I see myself and the world.

That’s one thing that has made The Appetizer Radio Show so fulfilling to me personally over the past decade and more. Helping to launch someone from unknown and uncelebrated to nationally recognized, showcased, and prized is a big deal. Sharing in someone’s underdog story as they rise to success is a very fulfilling part of why I do what I do.

Q: What or who are you most passionate about?

I mentioned fears earlier, and I think most artists and creative people share some of the same fears. Overcoming them is a vital part of the growth and success process, and at times it’s a daily exercise. From my experience, I’m drawn to people who feel like they’ve been ignored or skipped over by pop culture, who don’t fit neatly into boxes, who have the odds stacked against them but who have a fire burning in them to win. Their ambition and goals aren’t too big for their circumstances. They just need a little help and direction. They are the Rockys who need a Mickey in their corner (I speak often in metaphors and boxing provides plenty of them for me).

Q: What do you believe in?

This is one of my philosophies: Talent is important but by itself it won’t lead to consistent wins, or even the wins that matter most. Heart and determination, paired with talent, that will take you to bigger and better place, and more powerful wins along the way. That’s what champions are made from, talent plus heart plus determination.

The quality of your character is the most important thing for who you are. Do what you say you will do. Treat others with love always. And true power doesn’t come from one person, but instead from the power of community and relationships.

Q: You writing a lot about being uncommon, building community and growth. Ultimately what is the message you are trying to communicate?

The world is inherently selfish. As individuals, it’s in our nature to be very Me-First in what we do and each of us has to deal with those tendencies in our own ways. This leads to a very important question that each of us has to answer as we face our path forward to success: How do you get people to take notice of you and unplug from themselves so that you can build an audience, a following, and a growing platform?

I think we look at the ground, plants, and trees for wisdom here. You water their tree. The basic roots of relationship are in sharing, but giving is required to start. It’s human nature to put yourself out front and shout for attention. What happens when someone notices you first and engages with you? Something happens that is dynamic in its connection power between you and that person. We care about people who engage with us. You then become a fan of this person in some way. So to attract a fan, maybe you should think about the reverse path of how they would come to you and go to them in that way.

Be Uncommon

To build anything you need strong roots. Roots that are deep and well connected to resources. Those take water and a process for growth. I want to be better at growing strong, solid roots and that’s what I work at every day. It’s what I write about here on this blog, speak about at events and engagements, and coach my clients with in their development. Growing roots and nourishing the connections we have to the people we want fruit from is the key to success, to winning at this game called business and life.

Doing growth and process this way is not ordinary, it’s not common. Common people follow the herd and do what everyone else does because it feels safe and not risky. Yet the more people do the same thing in terms of trying to be heard, the more noise that gets put out there. Noise doesn’t lead to wins. That’s why I talk so much about being uncommon. The uncommon path and uncommon people are the ones who are well received, prized and showcased. True, loyal, and solid fans/audiences don’t follow regular or common artists. They follow amazing and uncommon ones. That’s what we can build together.

Q: How about some other insights into who you are that are not business, music or career related?

I’m a staunch Alabama Crimson Tide fan, but only during football season even though I didn’t go to college there. I do love football. My favorite player of all time is Bo Jackson because he was simply a superhero on the field and we share a birthday. If you haven’t seen the 30 for 30 biography on him, Netflix it today.

DGrantTexansManningJerseyBeerUntil last year I was a pretty die hard Houston Texans fan and continue to follow them but for different reasons. I’m a super fan in most areas, so if I follow something it’s with all of my heart. Honestly I was a Texans fan because they had Danieal Manning at safety and he played at ACU when I was in college there. Manning was the first player to be drafted out of ACU since Wilbert Montgomery in the 70s. Unfortunately for my fandom, Manning retired this year and the secondary of the Texans has suffered for it, but that’s my opinion.

I’m a big fan of Batman, in particular the Christopher Nolen Dark Knight trilogy. Actually I have all of the books related to the movies including the novelizations. I’m very nerdy about that stuff. I do have a ton of comics and graphic novels as well. I think Jeph Loeb, Frank Miller, and Brian Azzarello’s writing is top shelf (excluding The Dark Knight Strikes Back, that was rubbish). On the subject of books, I’m an avid reader and am usually reading at least 2 books at a time.

My favorite thing in the whole world is having engaging conversations with people. I love to grab a beer or coffee and talk about anything and everything. Again, people are what I’m really passionate about.

I’m married to a gorgeous and amazing woman who inspires me every day to do things I haven’t thought of, and who makes me laugh harder than anyone on earth. If you want some truly fantastic storytelling plus really awesome DIY ideas for your home, visit her blog HERE.

Now that you know a little more insight into the what, the who, and the why philosophies behind the blog articles and posts, don’t be shy about reaching out and asking questions.

I’m open to you to build your uncommon pathway forward. Reach out and let’s talk.

I’m Avoiding Shortcuts (And Why You Should Too)

15338308235_014a57c693_zThe “Get Rich Quick” ideal has seeped into far too many areas and realms of our collective mindsets, at times without our knowledge. We now have an app for nearly every and any need possible, which presents a work-around to many of the real and necessary processes in life.

We imagine that the success of our pursuits only requires that quick tip to instantly achieve our endeavors, whether it’s improving our relationships, our health, or our businesses.

I’ve not found a shortcut to success in life, though I’ve searched, explored, attempted, and tried the methods presented by the “experts” in blogs, books, videos and webinars. It must not be in the cards for me to try something simple and then wake up the next day with millions of fans, followers, requests, revenue, and contracts.

Has the shortcut to success worked for you?

What has brought me success, good-fortune and (best of all) fulfillment is commitment to process, time, focus and people. The curation of relationships and communication in them has been a tremendous blessing in my personal and professional life. The same could be said for you.

We’re all looking to build something. The communities we align ourselves with are the locations for where we can achieve the most growth and fulfillment in our endeavors. My focus is on growth through hunkering down and investing in people in the the communities of music and small business to cultivate relationships.

It’s better to prepare for the long haul than focus on only the short-term benefits. Your staying power depends on our commitment to people and processes. How committed to your long-term success are you? Share your commitment and goals with me here: