Why Your Understanding Of Patience Is Wrong

Your understanding of patience is wrong.

Or at least it’s incomplete. Too often we associate patience with the act of waiting, or waiting calmly. But this is such a huge way to shortchange the actual gift that is patience.

When you notice someone waiting calmly, whether that’s for something to happen or someone to show up, what do you think?

“Man! They’re really patient!” is a common thought.

When we make people wait on us, intentionally, accidentally, or otherwise, we thank them for their patience.

But is that all that patience is? Would you define Patience as “waiting calmly and not getting upset at the time it takes for something to happen”?

That’s really missing the depth of what Patience actually is. Let’s dig into the soil of LOVE and understand this key ingredient.

Image courtesy of Karim Manjra

Why Patience Is More Than Waiting For Something To Happen 

LOVE in its fullest context contains many many pieces:

• Peace, Faithfulness, Honor, Beauty

• Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Respect

• Trust, Perseverance, Commitment, Surrender

• Gentleness, Joy, Hope, Abundance

• Grace, Forgiveness, Strong, Unconditional

That’s the tip of the iceberg. Seriously.

Patience is the first ingredient listed in scripture to define what Love is (1 Corinthians 13).

Why is that?

What if it takes Patience to fully integrate Love into our lives?

Patience Requires Giving Space For Love To Fully Operate

What it means to give space, or create space, is not what you may think. This little hidden truth can be the game-changer for real growth to take place.

Space is opening room for emotions, thoughts, and experiences to be seen and told. Space is void, so creating space is opening up room for everything to come out without trying to fill it.

Tension makes us uncomfortable, so too often when we create space and tension comes forth, we try to fill that space with things to force ease.

Half-hearted apologies. Pleasant words. A request for forgiveness.

Forgiveness is an inside job, not something that we can truly request of anyone. Yet most of us were taught to say this when things get tense….

“I apologize for what I said/did. Please forgive me.”

Asking for forgiveness is trying to fill the space with something that forces the removal of tension.

We do it out of subtle fear, fear that if you can’t make them feel peace or happiness then they will not like you.

Fear that the tension is going to create a change in the connection.

So we fill the space with attempts to control the situation and ultimately the person you’re trying to love.

Image courtesy of Norma Contreras

This Is A Difficult Truth To Process

We’re conditioned to seek forgiveness. But seeking forgiveness is unfair. And it’s not operating in the patience that is LOVE.

“Sometimes showing up is not being there. When we show up we crowd. By not being there, there’s space for the person to deal with their issues. None of it is agenda. This is holding (creating) space. Space is void. It’s not for us to fill.” -Don Lachance, attentive listener and grief coach.

True patience operates with freedom. It waits and holds space for things to shift, for healing and growth to transpire.

It’s pausing and allowing some things to clear and pass so that the best results can come forth. Patience is not rushing the process.

Be The Patience That Creates Healing, Change, And Transformation

Do you watch professional sports? In all of them, there are numerous examples of athletes who experience a terrible injury but rush back into the game before they’re fully healed.

This rush back into the game comes from fear, often from other people (coaches in particular).

“If the team doesn’t have their star player, they can’t win” is the mentality. It’s a huge lack of faith and trust in everyone else on the team.

The cost here is immense. Sports shows us how rushing in the process instead of patience is more destructive than good.

Chris Evans, Andrew Luck, Yao Ming, and Kerry Wood are a drop in the bucket for athletes whose careers ended too soon from injuries that didn’t fully heal.

When you rush the process, fill the space created for healing with your own control, you do so at the expense of the connection, wellbeing, and the future.

While the moment is important and matters, choosing that moment requires wisdom and loving insight.

Yet We’ve Only Scratched The Surface Of What Patience Really Is

Patience involves

1. Peace

2. Perseverance

3. Persistence

4. Process

5. Presence

6. Preparation

You read that right. Those are the six P’s of Patience.

What Happens When You Practice Patience More Fully

When you get to a level of truly living out of real patience, everything in life gets easier.

Because you’re not just waiting for something to happen for you to feel good or be ok.

You are growing in your awareness of who you really are. You are seeing yourself more fully.

Love takes on such powerful ways to transform how you think and feel about yourself. Which carries over into your relationships with others.

Imagine what it feels like to live each day, moment by moment, with real peace.

How does the idea of perseverance change when you bring peace into the equation?

No longer is your life governed by trying to struggle through difficulties and challenges.

Everything becomes an opportunity to learn, grow, and expand.

You let go of trying to control outcomes.

And the beauty of the process begins to unfold in your consciousness that transcends understanding.

It’s through this way or utilizing real Patience that we get to see and experience how God (Divine Love) operates with us and through us.

 

Understand What Love Actually Is And How To Be Love Fully

We struggle to live Love out loud because we’re not taught the fullness of what Love is.

Like it’s been illustrated here (and other blog posts), there’s a lot more to operating out of Patience than just waiting.

You can step into the fullness of the Love that is already inside of you.

The choice is yours.

If you want help, reach out to me directly and we can talk.

 

 

Author Bio: Hi, I’m D Grant Smith, the Relationship Growth Farmer. I help you learn how to grow Love within yourself to transform your confidence and experience truly healthy, Loving Relationships. Learn more about how I can help you here.