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Why The Slap Of Unworthiness Stings The Hardest

The deep root of unworthiness stings the hardest. It can feel like a perpetual slap to your sense of self and your identity. A constant reminder of something that keeps you stuck in the muck of never measuring up. Or moving ahead to live in peace, happiness and Love.

Let me be honest and a bit vulnerable with you. I originally wrote this blog post with a different reference point.

I have been thinking a lot about the infamous “Slap” from the Academy Awards this year.

The whole Will Smith/Chris Rock exchange. I’m inspired by Rock’s response in the moment. That could have gone much worse than it did.

I also feel an immense amount of compassion for Smith. I’ve read a lot about some of the early childhood trauma he experienced with an abusive father. And I understand some of the potential psychological issues that’s brought him.

However, doing a deep dive into Smith’s problems, family issues, or looking at what happened as a big lesson we can learn doesn’t serve us.

And it doesn’t serve the Smith family. So instead of using that incident as an example of how unworthiness stings the hardest, I’ll keep my references closer to my own story.

Even when we look at other people’s lives and struggles as lessons to learn, we can easily jump into exploiting their story for our own gain. That’s not what Love does.

Seeing what takes place as a reflection of myself

A few years ago I read an incredible book by Dr. Hew Len and Dr. Joe Vitale called Zero Limits. It’s a book that changed my life and I continue to use the core practice of Ho’oponopono taught in it nearly every day.

One of the truths revealed in it is something Neville Goddard talks about too. It’s that what we see and experience in life is a reflection of something that is going on inside of us.

Neville refers to this as “Everyone and everything is you pushed out.” Dr. Hew Len teaches that other people’s actions and behaviors (that you are made aware of) reflect something going on inside of you that needs to be healed.

This is where we take 100% responsibility for our own thoughts, ideas, behaviors, and actions. Removing blame, judgment, shame, and criticism of others brings healing to both parties.

Dr. Hew Len’s Ho’oponopono practice is a modified version of the original Hawaiian version. It’s about clearing out what’s inside your mind, heart, body and spirit that isn’t Loving and replacing it with what is.

Dr. Hew Len’s Revised Ho’oponopono Practice

Here’s what his method looks like. Say this prayer to yourself and to God:

  • I’m sorry

  • Please forgive me

  • I clean and clear any thought, belief (conscious and unconscious), behavior pattern, or attachment picked up from anywhere that is being reflected to me in (this other person’s) actions

  • I replace it with Divine Love, peace, joy, abundance, etc

  • Thank you

  • I Love you

Dr. Hew Len believed that when you say this prayer, God does the invisible work in your heart and mind to clear out any non-Loving energy. AND, God does the work in the other person too.

It’s how he was able to make such a miraculous change in the lives of the inmates he served as a psychiatrist in one of the most dangerous prisons in Hawaii. The details of that are in the Zero Limits book.

This is where I transitioned my focus for sharing this revelation about the slap of unworthiness. Instead of focusing on the drama of what took place, let’s try a different approach.

I recognize that I was made aware of that situation because Divine Love wants me to address a deeper issue in myself.

It’s the issue of unworthiness

Whether we’re talking about dealing with people-pleasing patterns, low self-esteem, struggles with poverty, limiting beliefs, or anything similar…

We’re talking about the metaphoric weeds under the soil of our inner garden. Beneath those roots is a deeper root. The deeper root of all of those things is unworthiness.

And the more I look at our culture, the more I see evidence that this root issue is the cause of so much pain. Even the stories that have been told in every genre (action/adventure, drama, romance, sci-fi), reveal that unworthiness is the hidden villain in nearly every story.

Unworthiness stings the hardest because it’s ingrained deep inside our beliefs, often without us knowing it.

Which can lead to taking things personally, getting offended, attacking people, and other toxic behaviors.

Addressing the behavior without dealing with the root of it doesn’t change anything. It creates a mask to hide the real problem behind.

I recognize that there are still some big unworthiness beliefs holding me back in my subconscious. So, after “the slap” took place, I’ve been doing a considerable amount of Ho’oponopono.

My prayer is for healing in my own heart, mind, and life. And healing for Will Smith, his family, Chris Rock, and their relationship.

Will you join me in sending Love in their direction? That’s far more powerful than looking at this situation from a place of criticism, judgment, or “knowing what they need to do.”

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Photo by Josh Hild on Unsplash

Unworthiness is one of the most powerful supervillains everyone faces

I’ve also been listening to Jim Kwik’s book Limitless on Audible. I like Jim, he speaks my language as a superhero nerd and a fan of Joseph Campbell’s hero’s journey.

As I looked deeper into the characters who have been so influential in my life, I see a consistent theme.

Superman struggles as a kid to fit in because he’s so different than his classmates at school. He wants to help people, but he fears rejection.

Despite his near-limitless abilities, he’s afraid of being known because people tend to reject what they don’t understand. And his real enemy is a belief that he’ll be rejected because he’s unworthy of the Love and respect of the planet he cares so much for.

Moving over to the Star Wars universe, we see a similar story. Looking deeper into the motivations for both the heroes and villains, there’s a root belief that unless they prove their worthiness, they won’t have what they want.

Darth Vader wants to prove that he’s worthy of ruling the universe. Luke Skywalker wants to prove that he’s worthy of being a Jedi. Han Solo wants to prove that he’s worthy of being the best pilot and win the heart of the princess.

Rey wants to prove that she’s worthy of a Love she never received from her parents. Kylo Ren (Ben Solo) wants to prove that he’s worthy of being a powerful jedi and leader.

And it goes on and on.

In the next movie or show you watch, look at the motivations of the characters and see if you spot unworthiness as a factor in what they do.

Then look at yourself and see what’s being mirrored to you.

Divine Love wants us to heal from unworthiness

What if the reason why the hero’s journey contains so many similar themes is that we are meant to transcend limitations?

Could it be that each of us is already worthy of having Love, abundance, peace, and success? That we don’t have to prove anything to anyone to have what it is that our souls desire so much?

Yet we get in our own way, block ourselves off from happiness, and react to things that cause us to spiral out of control.

The cause of the problems in our lives, society, and the world seem to come down to a very obvious place. The roots of our individual minds.

The collective consciousness of the planet has been expanding and shifting. In this new evolving area, our commitment to doing the inner work (or shadow work) of addressing these hidden issues needs to be a top priority.

We do this individually. Taking personal responsibility for your thoughts, beliefs, ideas, and what you allow to influence you requires daily commitment and awareness.

This is where you tend to the inner garden of your mind. When you find little weeds, ask yourself what it’s attached to, what’s underneath that thing.

Here are some surface area issues that have a deeper root issue:

  • Insecurity

  • Fear

  • Shame

  • Liming Beliefs

  • Low Self-Worth

These surface area issues can often have a deeper root underneath them that’s connected to people-pleasing patterns, codependency, and even narcissism.

And when you dig down beneath those levels, you get to the real root: Unworthiness.

Why a limiting belief in unworthiness stings the hardest

Can you think of when you have reacted to something someone said because it reminded you of the unworthiness you feel?

Do you try and make other people feel good out of a sense of responsibility for other people’s feelings?

Has being a people-pleaser and someone with low confidence or self-worth issues cost you in your relationships or career?

This is why unworthiness stings the hardest. Becoming aware of these patterns is incredibly significant. And it is a part of the healing journey.

In my own story of deep struggles with people-pleasing and insecurity, the real root of all of it was an unconscious belief that I was unworthy and not good enough.

This led to very painful experiences both personally and professionally, culminating in the end of a twelve-year marriage and subsequent divorce.

My healing journey of transforming my life, growing in confidence, leveling up in my career, and even attracting real Love in my life is detailed in my book Be Solid: How To Go Through Hell & Come Out Whole.

When you change the way you see yourself everything changes

When you choose to Love yourself and believe in your own worthiness, your life transforms.

You don’t stress about things, people, or circumstances. You stop taking things personally.

You’re naturally at peace and have high confidence.

Opportunities for growth and success come to you (you don’t chase anything).

And you have the strongest, healthiest, and most Loving relationships.

However, this is an ongoing process. It’s not a one-and-done thing.

Very few things are one-and-done. Yet when we think we’ve arrived at total healing is when we can easily go back to old patterns. And end up dealing with more pain.

My encouragement to you is to identify your patterns and behaviors. Then explore the beliefs underneath them that lead you to operate in those ways.

Most of us have unworthiness issues that we have to deal with. And stay vigilant about healing.

When you embrace the process of healing, the transformation is powerful and ongoing.

And when you see examples of people exhibiting patterns that reveal unworthiness issues, send them Love and compassion. This is how we bring healing to ourselves and to the world.

It’s how we BE the Love that changes the world.


d grant smith self-love teacher coach empowerment superheroAuthor Bio: Hi, I’m D Grant Smith, the Relationship Growth Farmer.

I help people grow in confidence, have healthy and strong relationships, overcome people-pleasing patterns, and live their best life.

There are a few ways we can connect, and I look forward to the opportunity to work with you. Ways to work directly with me all available here.

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