In the 2nd part of our conversation with indie musician Timothy Palmer, we pick up where we left off in this previous episode of The DIY Artist Route Podcast. Curiosity and questions are the driving force behind some of the best creations on earth.
What drives the curiosity engine?
Learn how can you strengthen your curiosity to engage with your own ingenuity and creativity to produce your best and most engaging work.
When Timothy Palmer isn’t making great music he’s leading people in a quest for truth and introspection. It turns out that many of the answers we seek externally are found inside us through looking at our experiences and the teachers who have imprinted their brilliance on us.
This conversation is an exploration of these elements so that you will take the proactive steps to become more curious about yourself, your relationships, your journey, and the work you produce.
One of the key elements that comes up in every conversation I have with Tim is the depth of questions we ask each other. It’s what Tim says inside this conversation when he says, “Especially in the United States, we can’t get away from the questions of morality, ethics, politics, or religion. Because even if we are not interested in that, everyone else around us is.”
Which is a fascinating truth. I don’t consider myself to be one who spends much time in politics. Actually I avoid political discourse a lot because of the argumentative nature it has become. As you know, I’m all about harmony, unity, and bringing people together. But Tim makes some incredible points in this discussion that pertains to this subject because avoiding the discussions that people are having is not a way to bring harmony.
What do you think?
There are several places in this episode where we ask you to join into the discussion and you can do that through connecting with both Tim and I on social media. We’d love to hear your thoughts. Here’s how you can engage with Timothy Palmer to let your voice be heard, ask questions, make comments, and even challenge what we discuss.
Aside from the in-depth discussion on the power of curiosity, we also dive into areas of discussion involving protestation on the basis of fear, people need to know who you are and love is what makes you known.
And we close with a little chit chat on the power of tattoos. Both Tim and I have adorned our bodies with art that represents who we are and what we’re all about. Which is another way I’d love to invite you to connect with us. Share your tattoo stories (and pics if you have them) in the comments below or through social media. Hit me up on Twitter, Facebook, and Linked In.
Share this episode to bring more people into the discussion. I look forward to talking more with you soon!
What if I told you that the real secrets to business growth, building a brand, growing an audience, and being successful in any area had more to do with farming than anything else? What if building a bond with your roladex led to real growth instead of viral marketing or social media? Let me explain.
It’s no secret that success comes from our ability to connect with other people. We’re not operating on islands where punching digits into a computer never interfaces with another human being.
Even if you work in an industry that is primarily digital, there has to be a person (or people) buying the services, products, and work that you do.
Since people are what makes business work, our ability to connect, communicate, and build relationships determine whether we grow what we plant or end up with the bitter dust of lost opportunities.
How One Conversation Changed The Success Dialogue
The concept of Growth Farming began with a conversation I had with one of my biggest heroes: Seth Godin.
He joined me in a ground-breaking and thought-provoking conversation on The DIY Artist Route Podcast in 2016. In just under 17 minutes Seth distilled some of the greatest wisdom available on how to grow and become the successful people we dream of being.
That conversation with Seth led to a person and professional exploration into relationship building from the context of planting seeds, nurturing them into plants and harvesting their output.
Then repeating the process, and expanding the territory.
It’s the work of a farmer. These principles come from my own personal stories, observations on friends and colleagues, and wisdom shared along the path towards success.
From here I’ve spent the better part of the past two years exploring how success works, reading books, listening to podcasts, watching videos, and talking with innovators on this very massive subject.
The consensus is pretty clear: the heart of winning in business and in life lies in the bonds we build with people. That’s why business icons talk about marketing and networking so much. It’s why social media is such a huge part of every creative person’s growth strategy (let alone it being a part of every human with a mobile device’s regular life).
Human connection is the key to success, no matter who you are
But so many people are devoting their interactions to self-talk, self-promotion, and actions that work against their best interests. Musicians and other creatives treat their relationships more like a 30 second microwave meal than a garden of fruits, vegetables and herbs that provide a healthy, balanced, and life-long supply.
Hence the Growth Farming as relationship gardening metaphor. It’s so perfect because it’s so accurate.
What you’re going to find in everything I tag as Growth Farming is specific actions, methods, and philosophies that help you start, build, grow, and cultivate powerful relationships with people to succeed.
It really is who you know that determines how much you win. AND it’s also how well they know you back that determines the ongoing benefits of that connection.
Make Growth Farming Work For You
Since that conversation, I’ve changed the focus and format of The DIY Artist Route Podcast, where several of fellow trekkers have built their brands (and success) around relationship building too. And they share their secrets with you.
You have to plant the seeds to make success happen. I know that if you will take these insights, stories, and principles to heart, you’ll grow a vibrant connection with the people in your world. More power to you!
I want to give you the principles & method of Growth Farming to bring success to your world by connecting directly with you. Book a free 15 minute strategy session with me and I’ll give you an ebook that shines more light on my conversation with Seth just for setting up a conversation with me. Schedule your time right here.
You’ve heard his music, even if you think you haven’t. Timothy Palmer has been Tryin‘ to help you us all navigate the journey of the creative entrepreneur and musician for years. His song (by that same name, Tryin’) is the theme song to the DIY Artist Route Podcast, a brilliant track found on the critically acclaimed Half Boy EP.
On top of being a brilliant songwriter, he’s also one of my closest friends. Every time we have a conversation, he shares so much incredible wisdom and philosophy that I wish I had been recording it to share with you.
This is the fulfillment of that dream for us to talk openly about our stories, and the pursuit you share with us in taking our creative work to new levels of success.
Tim is an avid reader, which you hear in his quotations of great writers, musicians and sages in this conversation. It’s his uncanny ability to relate story with philosophy and real life perspective that make him such an incredible leader and speaker.
This is the first in a two-part episode where we dive deep into the philosophy of being human, in particular creative people who want to make a difference in the world. I know that’s your mission and passion, otherwise you wouldn’t be here.
In the interest of time, I’ve split our conversation up into two parts. This first portion serves as both an introduction to him and his work, as well as lay a solid foundation for the role that philosophy plays in how each of us see ourselves, our role in the world, and the work that we do individually and collectively. The collective part is where you join in too. And I invite you to join into the discussion we have here.
As always, I invite you to join me in this conversation too. What thoughts and feelings do you have about what we discussed here? What curiosity thread are you unwinding as you listen to us talk?
Share your thoughts and feelings! I want to know what ideas you have, as well as any struggles you’re working to overcome. If you’re feeling stuck, or if these perspectives that we talk about has your mind racing, let’s talk about it. I want to hear from you. Set up a free 15 minute strategy session with me here.
Are you a football fan? It’s ok if you’re not. I am. Here’s a metaphoric epiphany on real growth and success I had recently that deals with playing the long game.
In football, there’s a key reason that successful teams in pro football are always looking for a great QB. It’s not just leadership, though that’s a big factor. It’s not just play-making ability, though that’s also a factor. Success lies in an effective long game approach and execution.
The key reason is a leader with play-making ability who can see the whole field and take calculated steps towards moving forward wins more games than those who don’t invest in the process of operating in the big picture. Sometimes they pick a running play. Sometimes it’s pass. Sometimes is play-action.
Either way, a winning long game is how champions are made.
This principle is true in business (regardless of the industry and whether you work for yourself or someone else). It’s also true in life.
Can you see the field in front of you and set yourself up to create openings that lead to new opportunities?
Or are you going for the big scoring play right out of the gate?
Hey, let’s be honest. It’s human nature to try for the big touchdown play on the opening drive from your own 20 yard line. I see this all the time with musicians and creatives you contact media for features, interviews, and reviews. They start their very first email to media with a ton of links and a huge bio and no mention of the person they’re talking to (or trying to talk to).
When a QB throws a hail mary pass right off the bat, it’s likely to fail. And fail miserably. Then if they repeat that hail mary pass every time they run a play, it’s likely they’ll lose their spot on the team because it rarely works, which leads to losing ground and losing games.
This is a struggle a lot of people have.
Here are some things I’ve heard my coaching clients tell me that they’ve struggled with in building relationships:
“I’m not great at making relationships with others.”
“I have an inner-struggle in my head about thinking that I’m a mooch if I reach out to people, like I’m using them for whatever they can do for me.”
Have any of those been thoughts you’ve had?
Try this out: Take a long-game approach to how you cultivate connections with people.
The process is simple. Spend some time just getting to know the person you want to build a relationship with. What do they like? What are their go-to picks or absolute favorites (can be music, movies, food, etc)? Why?
When you get someone talking about the stuff they like and be interested in them, it impacts the way they see you. You can follow up later to see if they’ve seen or done anything new that fits with the interests and passions they shared with you. Follow up is where the magic of connection-building happens.
How does this serve you?
It shows you are actually interested in them, which shows that you’re a person worth reciprocating that interest and care back to.
It’s similar to what Dale Carnegie said, “You can make more friends in 2 months showing an interest in other people than you can in 2 years trying to get other people interested in you.”
This method of Growth Farming works in building connections with anyone from business prospects, networking opportunities, acquaintances, business professionals and even influencers in your industry.
I used this strategy recently to land a sponsor for my radio show and grow my network of influential connections. It works. Utilize the long game and create winning experiences over and over again.
Be someone who genuinely cares and you’ll be surprised how much care is returned to you.
How about a great week? Or a stellar and outstanding month?
To build up to the best year of your life?
Oooo yeah, that’s even better. But is setting up one good day the key to having a great month or the best year? You bet it is!
Tell you what I’ve learned recently that has helped me have a great day more often these past few months is something that’s really easy to do. We just often forget about it.
How do you start your day?
From reading books by Ryan Holiday, Wayne Dyer, Jen Sincero, and others I’m learning that starting the day off right matters.
Practices involving journaling, affirmations and meditation are how we set our minds and hearts in the right place to have the best outlook on the day, and be most productive.
If you get out of bed and the first thing you do is chores, you’re focusing on the wrong stuff. And hey, I used to do that too.
Actually, I’d hit the snooze button until my cat meeeoooowed enough to get me out of bed to serve her breakfast.
I often was not as productive as I could have been. I certainly didn’t have a great attitude either.
Who wants to make a cat’s demands for food the first answer you do in the morning?
“Not I,” said the D.
Two Simple Ways To Have A Great Day
The two simple ways to have a great day are to get up just a few minutes early with the sole purpose of giving yourself some quiet alone time to focus on what you’re doing, make daily goals, do a little meditation/affirmations, and be thankful.
Tony Robbins has a little mantra he does where he thanks God/The Universe for everyone in his life he’s grateful for. He spends at least 5 minutes doing that before he moves into focusing on himself.
I’ve found this practice to be very enriching too. When we operate from thankfulness and gratitude, it makes our attitudes towards others even better.
Plus, our relationships improve because we become people who are more naturally inclined to serve and give.
What I’ve found is that journaling helps me to get more focused on specific tasks to complete. It also helps me to communicate better because of the repetitiousness of the practice.
Like my old mentor Larry Sabin used to say, “We get good at what we do.”
As a creative who is connecting with people, make a habit of practicing your communication. Journaling is a great step in that direction.
The better communication you have, the more enriched your relationships are and the stronger your connection is with others.
Stronger Communications Make For A Great Day
What helps with that communication is also dependent on how you feel about yourself. What thoughts are you exercising each day that contribute to your well-being and success?
If you have regular thoughts that consist of “I can’t,” “This won’t work,” “I’m not enough for this,” “They don’t want me,” or similar negative beliefs, you set yourself up to lose.
What you plant inside your mind and heart is what your life will produce. That comes through your actions, attitudes, and behaviors. Your inner dialogue contributes to all of these things.
This is why a daily practice of affirmations is so important. By affirming yourself of who you are, what’s inside of you, what you produce, and what you attract these things come into being.
It’s the law of attraction because what you focus on is what grows.
This is the essential piece of your day that kicks your subconscious into high gear to manifest what you plant. Best practice is to not only start your day off with affirmations, but also end it with a repetition of them before you go to sleep.
It has the teachings and affirmations I use to create the life I want of peace, success, and fruitful relationships with myself, my friends, family, network and community, and Almighty Love (aka God/The Universe).
When you plant love inside yourself, it’s what you’ll focus more on which overcomes fears, doubts, insecurities and negative mindsets. It also attracts more loving experiences and people into your world.
In no time you’ll find that your days are consistently better, more fruitful, and more peaceful. You’ll also find your relationship with yourself and others improve.
Set yourself up for success today. In just 15 minutes you can gain more insights into this method of growth and success for peace, clarity, stronger relationships, and success in every area of your life. Book your free strategy session with me here.
It’s no secret that I’m a super hero super-fan. Batman in particular takes the cake for me. I’m a Batman mega-fan especially in films. In particular, the Christopher Nolan Dark Knight trilogy are some of my all-time favorite movies. And yes, Christian Bale is my Batman.
But there are also some powerful things we can learn about from Batman to help us be better at building powerful connections, standing out from the crowd of competition, and becoming legends in our own right.
Here’s where the rubber meets the road in making this analogy and comparison applicable to you as a creative entity. You can either be a badass with a set of skills who is prepared for every situation with other people OR you can be a dude with a machine gun who’s trying to serve someone else’s interests. The clip above is a great illustration of this principle.
I have had a few realizations in the past few weeks concerning the link between Batman on film, and our work as connection builders with media influencers (i.e. bloggers, radio shows/stations, reviewers, podcasters, playlist makers, etc).
It’s pretty simple and established to recognize The Dark Knight (alias for Batman, not necessarily the film by the same title) as a badass. He’s an expert in multiple forms of martial artistry. He drives a series of vehicles that are more advanced than the military. He’s a genius detective and excels in technology creation.
Whether Bruce Wayne is in costume or not, he’s a powerful and formidable individual.
Yet often times, as he faces off against his numerous rogues gallery including The Joker, The Riddler, Mr. Freeze, the Falcone crime family, or even Bane, he’s taking on a series of thugs who work for the bad guys. The thugs are typically guys with a little bit of fight experience, guns, and lots of ammo. What makes them special? Absolutely nothing at all.
Putting The Analogy Together For You
For you as a creative force in the world, it’s also no secret that music curators (like me and several of my guest on The DIY Artist Route Podcast) get a ton of emails from musicians and artists every day.
They all want one thing: to get their work featured on something we do. And 98% of them present themselves as someone similar to the henchmen of the villains in the superhero flicks we love than they do the heroes themselves.
The blanket, generic email pitch that is designed entirely to serve the artist is the metaphorical equivalent to a henchman with a gun. He just fires away, hoping to hit something and ending up with nothing. There’s very little that is particularly interesting or appealing about him. He looks tough and has a weapon. Who cares?
A blanket, bland email pitch looks the same way. It’s a creator with an product and pieces he’s trying to get noticed by no one in particular.
Nothing special. Nothing specific. No big deal.
Want To Be Batman Or A Common Henchman?
Wouldn’t you rather be Batman instead of a henchman? I certainly would.
That’s why the method you use to reach out to media is so important. That’s why being precise and being specific with how you reach out to media and curators is so essential. You can stand out or you can be generic.
Who would you rather be?
When Batman puts together his utility belt in all three pieces of the Nolan-trilogy, he takes specific mini-weapons with him depending on what kind of fight he’s going to be in. Again, the clip above as a reference is case and point.
Sometimes that includes dust spray to stay hidden. Sometimes it includes little bombs to blow up walls to get away. Sometimes it includes radar to be able to spy.
The batarangs are standard equipment for Batman (he always utilizes them in any given situation). He’s made himself so skilled with them that they’re useful in at all times.
Your tactics for contacting media influencers is similar. Know what you’re putting in your utility belt before you set out to contact individual influencers and media folks.
Who are they? What is their platform about? What audience are they reaching?
The insights into these questions tell you how to approach them, what to say, and how to position yourself as someone worth responding to.
Your batarang is your ability to connect with people. The way you engage with individuals is a skill set that you get better and better at with time. The more you use your skills, the better you are with them.
Here’s one more little piece of advice that we can learn from Batman. It comes from a different iteration of the character, the Ben Affleck version from Justice League.
In this scene, Batman, The Flash, Aquaman, Wonder Woman, and Cyborg are trying to rescue hostages from Steppenwolf. Everyone on the team has experience in combat. Everyone except for the Flash. His lack of experience has him nervous. But Batman gives him some excellent advice in this clip:
You can take the same advice and apply it to how you build relationships & connections with anyone. Especially building relationships with media and influencers.
Connect with one person at a time. Be specific. Don’t try to reach everyone at once. Just reach one person. You’ll learn how to build the connection the right way when you focus on one individual at a time.
Isn’t that what makes Batman so badass? He fights a gang of dudes one at a time. One strike to the head of one thug, a kick to another, a chop to a different henchman. In a matter of moments he’s taken down a whole group of enemies with precision, accuracy, and specialty.
That’s a model to base yourself and your outreach after.
Big lesson here: when it comes to building relationships, marketing yourself, and growing your work, be like Batman.
Don’t be a henchman. Henchmen don’t have names. They’re easily forgotten and mean very little to the big story than the person who has the skill set and uses it in the right way.
Discover how to connect with influencers, media, and your audience in a powerful way to make them diehard fans of your work.
Fear is a big subject that I talk a lot about. It’s the theme of this episode of The Appetizer Radio Show, illustrated through a variety of subjects covered by alt-rock and punk bands like Blink 182, Dry The River, P.O.D., Face to Face and more.
For most of us, pain is caused from bad experiences where someone hurt you, didn’t accept you (rejection and/or abandonment), you lost something or someone, or a result you wanted to happen that went in the opposite direction.
Most pain isn’t physical, but sometimes physical pain leads to fear too.
Often our worst fears are in our minds
We dwell on what could happen, on how something could go that will be a repeat of a negative past experience. So what do we do with fear?
Often, we run from it.
This was my story for most of my life. I’m a small-framed dude (as you can see in the video above). I’ve been on the short and skinny side of body-types since the beginning of my existence.
Subsequently, I was picked on, bullied, and treated as less than for a lot of my adolescence. This led to a ton of insecurities and fears about how others saw me.
But mostly, it had everything to do with how I saw myself. I saw myself as someone who would be overlooked, undervalued, taken advantage of, and put down.
So I ran from people a lot. I could make friends fairly easily. But deep down inside I was afraid that my friends would wake up one day and see the short skinny kid I saw in the mirror and not want to hang around me anymore. Fear was the result of my negative self-perception.
Can you relate to that fear?
When fear became something I could no longer run from
Being a small framed dude, I was also perpetually afraid of getting beaten up. Mostly by strangers or people I didn’t know.
This culminated into an experience I had standing on a street corner one day where I was crossing to go see a friend. I needed to walk across the street, and down the block to go see him.
But at the intersection where I was walking, I looked to the other side of the road and saw this thuggish, rough-looking dude.
And admittedly, I judged his character in that moment as someone who was going to jump me, beat me up, and take whatever money I had on me.
I had no viable reason to suspect the guy other than his choice of clothing and the look on his face. But in my fear, I determined that he had ill-intentions and would cause me physical harm.
So what did I do? I decided to make a 90-degree turn and cross a different street, going 4.5 blocks around to get to where I wanted to go. I justified this choice by telling myself I needed the exercise, which is a bullshit thing to do to justify giving in to fear.
While I walked the extra few blocks, this still inner voice spoke to me. It said, “How much longer are you going to live this way? You’re a grown-ass man. Do you want to live like this for the rest of your life?”
I was 27 years old and was building what would become a prominent career in radio and music. Yet I was afraid to cross the street because of some stranger I didn’t know. What the hell was up with that?
The decision that led to breakthrough and forever changed my life
I decided that enough was enough. I was tired of running. I was tired of letting fear control my actions and attitudes about myself and others. I had to do something to change it.
So I made a few phone calls when I got back home and decided to join a boxing gym. I figured, what better way to get over my fear of getting beaten up by putting myself in a place where that would likely happen? But in the process I hoped to learn how to defend myself.
In the end I gained so much more than knowledge and experience in fighting. I gained confidence, perspective, and some core principles that have carried with me into my personal and professional life in ways that have led to exponential success.
Be solid to win in life & climb out of the pit of fear
One of those core principles is the art of being solid. Solid as a person. Solid as a friend. Solid as a member of communities that help others.
When people see me they think I ooze confidence. Maybe. But confidence has come by facing the things that I’m most afraid of and not backing down from them.
Fear wants to keep you out of the game of life. But it’s up to you to climb out. And in doing that climb, you regain your heart, mind, and confidence.
In that boxing gym I climbed out of my pit.
It was a hard climb. There were tough days. There were days where I dreaded going.
Especially when I knew I was going to be sparring. Sparring is when you put all the principles, techniques, and exercises into use against a real opponent. One that hits you back. One that is also trying to get out in one piece.
Will you face your fear or continue to run from it?
Few things in life are easy. Facing fears is certainly not one of them. But it’s what has to be done in order to be free.
Freedom is the gift of doing what you want without hindrance or opposition. For many of us, fear is the biggest opposition we will face to having real freedom.
What will you do to overcome your fear?
On a practical standpoint, it may be starting a practice of retraining your mind to accept yourself instead of reject yourself. The practice of mantras and affirmations are helpful here (see below for more help).
Rocky comes back against Clubber Lang in Rocky III
It may be doing the work of putting yourself in situations where you face what you dread, be that getting in front of people in a business situation where your skills and talents could be questioned.
It may be asking that lady or man out of a date, when you’ve previously thought they were out of your league.
It may be volunteering to do a presentation where you have to speak publicly, when you’ve told yourself too often that no one wants to listen to you.
Or it could be that you put on some gloves and step into a ring where you get to test to see what you’re really made of.
In any case, running from what you fear will move you backwards because you’re not operating out of your greatness. You’re operating out of your doubts about who you are and what you can do.
Facing your fears will bring you clarity and confidence
When you run away from something, you can’t see what it is that was worth hiding from. But, when you face your fears you’re able to articulate the truth much better.
Often, you realize that what you were afraid of isn’t as bad as you thought it was. Which leads to confidence and a growth in character.
Clarity comes when we see things for what they really are. When we choose to have courage in the face of obstacles, we see the intricacies and details that were once hidden from us.
Which leads to growth. And change. And a different result in the end.
Decide who you want to be and become that person
What kind of person do you want to be? Do you want to be someone who runs, who quits when things get challenging, and who gives up on yourself? Or do you want to be a champion in life, full of confidence and strength?
A person who is solid, uncommon, and whole is one who doesn’t let the past dictate the future, who doesn’t listen to the voice of fear but instead digs deep inside to overcome any challenge that stands in the way.
This is the person I’m dedicated to become. And I’m dedicated to helping you get to your greatness too.
Have fears have been an obstacle for you, keeping you from achieving peace, confidence, and success? We can change that and empower you to overcome any obstacle that’s keeping your from the peace, clarity, direction and success you want. Set up your free 15 minute strategy session with me now!
In my new book Be Solid: How To Go Through Hell And Come Out Whole (due out in late 2018), I share more insights into how boxing changing my life, how to heal from loss and pain, and how to become a person who can overcome any obstacle instead of letting challenges get the better of you.
But what if you’re sitting on the other side of the microphone, the part where you’re the one being interviewed?
What steps can you take to prepare for an interview that is more than just a Q&A?
When you and the interviewer connect on multiple levels, you create conversational dynamic that transforms the experience for both parties. Which inevitably makes for a more engaging, insightful, and powerful experience for the listeners.
The listener experience is your ultimate objective.
Your artistic creations are made to enhance your audience’s lives. Your outreach to media is about impacting a new audience you haven’t reached yet.
Blogs, radio shows, radio stations, streaming playlists (Spotify for example), and podcasts all create content intended to reach a specific audience that gives them an experience that brings them back.
This perspective is key to using interviews to grow your audience too.
“There’s an answer around every corner. We’re all searching for how we can do XYZ. Most of the time, especially with blogs and stuff, the how-to part is framed in the headline but inside the content itself it’s never really explained, like the actual process of how to go about doing it.
“It’s just a bunch of ideas. And ideas are great if you are naturally inclined to be able to put pieces together. But if you’re not, then having some sort of way to take these very big picture concepts and drill them down to very practical steps is really important.”
Put this conversation to work for you in getting the most out of your interviews, become more known, get the attention of influencers, and build your audience with a free strategy session today.
You’ll gain specific, actionable insights to have a fantastic interview that creates new fans and grows your connection with new people. Music curators and influencers in particular.
One killer tip is to get a sense of the audience that you’re going to be featured on because that’s what matters most and it doesn’t take much time to get a sense of who they are and have them in mind the entire time you’re being interviewed.
It’s important to know the aims of your audience, to know their why.
This is especially true when you contact music curators for placement on their platform. It separates you from the competition, and gives the curator a reason to respond to you.
We all want to have happy, healthy relationships in our lives. But too often we try to make those relationships work through controlling the steps and actions of others. Because issues that create pain cause us to lose what we hold so close. Yet it’s interesting how letting go creates more of what we want than holding tightly does.
In every type of relationship there is the desire to be in control of the outcome. If you do X-Y-Z, someone will treat you better. Or at least they should. So we tell ourselves.
We all want to be in control most of the time. But with relationships, control is holding on to someone with closed hands, trying to determine their responses or behavior. But you can’t control anyone else and have them truly give you what you want.
Letting go is the way to healthy relationships
Control causes manipulation. Which breeds bitterness. Which creates loss and division. Which ends up in an ending you don’t want.
People who try to control others hold them tightly with their hearts and minds, using words to steer certain responses. It’s problematic.
There’s no freedom in a relationship like this, be it friendship, family, or romantic. Subsequently, it’s much harder to give and receive love when you’re being restricted, held on too tightly by someone else.
Love is what we all want more of
Love can be defined in many ways. For simplicity’s sake, we can define love as the joining of peace, joy, freedom, happiness, kindness, appreciation, acceptance, harmony, and affection.
Wayne Dyer defines it this way: “Love is the ability and willingness to allow those that you care for to be what they choose for themselves without any insistence that they satisfy you.”
Ultimately, love is the art of letting go and letting God (aka the Universe, Almighty Love, the Most High, the Higher Power or however you care to define Deity).
Also in the radio show was pieces of a doctrine that my good friend, mentor and pastor shared with us recently. He gathered this wisdom from one of his friends. I want to share it with you here to practice the art of letting go, one piece at a time:
To let go doesn’t mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off.
It’s the realization that I don’t control another.
To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another, because I can only change myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.
To let go is not to be protective.
It is to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and to cherish the moment.
To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and to love more.
To be fully alive and fully whole, you have to let go. It’s a process, a practice, and something you get better at with time and repetition. What are you holding too tightly to? Is there someone in your life that you wished treated you better or differently that you’re holding on to? Is there pain in your past that you haven’t released yet because of fear or anger?
Let go. It’s where healing comes from. It’s also the gateway to love and peace in every area of your life.
To have true success, you have to let go of what’s broken. If letting go is a challenge for you, you’re not alone. Here’s what you can do about it: Set up a time for us to talk today on letting go of fears, negativity, and past hurts that are holding you back. Many of my coaching clients have been learning how to let go of the past and move powerfully into a successful future. You can too. Book your free strategy session with me here.
One thing that everyone in the media industry pays attention to is how well an interview is done. Rob Lawrence, host of Inspirational Creatives, is one of the best there is at doing amazing interviews. That’s why I invited him to join me on the DIY Artist Route Podcast to share his wisdom.
What we discovered in our conversation is that it’s important for hosts who interview and guests being interviewed, can both gain clarity on how to have the most kickass interviews.
When the guest and host connect on a deeper level than just a basic Q&A, the audience gets the best experience. Everyone wins.
This is not something I’m seeing a lot of lately, in terms of discussing how to create amazing interviews. Which is why this podcast is a great resource for you because Rob gives some clear insights and very actionable suggestions to help you be a better interviewer or question-asker in any medium.
My Perspective On Great Interviews
My background is in public radio. I cut my teeth in learning the art of doing captivating interviews for KACU FM in Abilene, Tx way back in the early 2000s. My inspirations are folks who have made NPR a standout media platform for decades. I’m talking about radio icons like Scott Simon (one of my personal heroes), Steve Inskeep, David Dye, and Linda Wertheimer.
Those folks really know how to go deeper than the questions to get to the heart of their guests, and ultimately create heart-connections with their listeners.
It’s something that comes from what Rob Lawrence calls “having a natural curiosity.”
This podcast session ended up being something that led to a different kind of production for me: a two-part episode.
Closer Look At Part One
Here in the first part, we take a closer look at how podcasters, radio hosts, bloggers & writers, and other media personalities can create the bedrock for a truly engaging interview.
It’s a How To Be A Great Interviewer 101 lesson, from one of the best podcast interviewers there is.
Rob has a gentle presence, a great voice, and enters discussions with both his mind and his heart. There’s a noticeable kindness in his presentation, which makes him both intriguing, engaging, and easy to talk with.
These qualities make for a conversation that moves both the question-asker, and the answer-giver. Aka, the person hosting and the person being interviewed.
You’ll notice that we switch roles a few times, another mark of a great interview. When an interview feels more like you’re sitting in on an intriguing conversation, everyone wins. Because you feel like you’re joining in a rousing chat that is more than just a “let me pick your brain about XYZ” kind of experience.
If you’ve watched any of Jerry Seinfeld’s Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee, you see a very similar dynamic. Sure, there’s a bit of comedy and humor involved, but essentially Seinfeld is asking a lot of questions to learn more about his friend. In the process, we all gain both an intellectual and entertaining experience.
What Makes For A Great Interview
When both the mind and the heart are engaged in what’s going on, you find yourself challenged to think differently, and also feel something in the process.
What makes for powerful media, audio in particular, is the presentation of something that connects with the audience’s emotions. That makes for great songwriting and musical performance, as well as any creative medium.
The mind and the heart. Nail the engagement with both of those vessels and you have the makings for a seriously kickass interview.
There’s a whole lot of gold in this podcast episode, and there’s even more in part 2 where we will talk about how to best prepare to be interviewed.
Jumping over to the other side of the microphone, you’ll gain even more perspective on how to craft the best interview to engage both your compatriot (either host or guest) and the audience.
Reach out to Rob and connect with him (email firstname.lastname@example.org). Tell him you heard his talk with me on The DIY Artist Route Podcast. And be sure to subscribe to Inspirational Creatives. It’s one of the best interview podcasts there is. Rob’s also a great coach for podcasters who want to take their work to the next level, build a killer podcast, and gain serious success.
–Episode Notes & Quotes–
-Great interviews require more than just curiosity. Passion is needed as well. Experience helps too. A small amount of research is helpful.
-Preparing for an interview includes finding out about what the guest is curious about right now, and meeting them in that place will really help. Also, making sure that everything is working on the technical end.
-Make sure that the experience is good for the guest so they have the best time and feel a warm welcome.
-Good interview prep for the interviewer includes: Looking up the person’s audience and their site. Dig in deep here.
“I’m more of an explorer than an expert, if you like?” -Rob Lawrence
“A journalistic approach to interviews typically puts the guest on their back foot sometimes. So when it comes to talking about, as we are here, a great interview to build relationships, through a podcast for example, I tend to take a lighter approach. Which is to try and help my guests shine and see them in their best light rather than trying to have them defend the point.” -Rob Lawrence
Send Me Your Feedback!
What was the biggest takeaway you found in this podcast?
Was there anything you wish we would have discussed involving how to be a great interviewer? Let me know in the comments.