How The Stories You Believe Lead To The Impact You Have

When I was a little kid I wanted to be Superman.

Superman made an impact.

He was unstoppable, invincible and incredibly powerful.

I was not.

On the contrary, I’ve always had a small frame.

Skinny, scrawny, short. These were ready adjectives you could identify me with.

And these adjectives still can today.

Why did I want to be Superman?

I didn’t want to be Superman because he was the strongest dude around. Or because he could bend iron in his hand, and was faster than a speeding bullet.

I wanted to be invincible. I wanted to be immune to the physical damage of bullets or baseball bats or bullies.

Suffice to say, I understood how dangerous it is to be vulnerable.

I wanted to be able to create impact, but be immune from experiencing the negative ramifications of change.

Being capable of receiving pain is a human condition.

It’s one I avoided for a long time.

Yet avoiding pain is not a way to grow or succeed.

Most of us have a real understanding of what pain is, both physical, emotional, and psychological.

Avoiding pain is what we’re naturally programmed for.

Yet pain is a part of the human experience and turning off our ability to receive it can cost more than the pain itself.

 

Where The Mindset Change Started For Me

Best-selling author and life coach Tony Robbins has made a BIG impact on a lot of people. He talks about how every decision we make is either pursuit of pleasure or the avoidance of pain.

His book Awaken The Giant Within details how to transform your life by changing your beliefs, words, and actions to overcome the fear of pain.

I experienced this realization in my own life after a series of my absolute worst fears come to life. One was going through divorce.

What I discovered in the healing journey was that so much of the pain I felt had a different cause than I originally thought.

Your beliefs about yourself determine the stories you tell yourself about who you are, and what you’re capable of.

This is something you might have struggled with since childhood too.

You may still be struggling with avoiding pain.

Where does the pain we flee come from?

The pain we feel has many sources.

Pain can come from someone’s harsh words, actions, or attitudes.

It can also be something else that made you feel less than and unworthy.

Pain can become the stories you adopt for your identity.

It’s our human condition to want a few specific things intrinsically.

When we come out of the womb we have within us the desire to be valued, to be found worthy, and to be loved.

It’s in our DNA

Life gives us opportunities to experience this kind of love.

We have friends who lift us up, encourage us, and make us feel like we’re on top of the world.

All the while there are other people we experience who do the opposite.

For one reason or another, they tear down, destroy, hurt, and cause us pain with their words and actions.

Try as you might, you can’t make sense of their motivation or reason.

Each of us experiences negativity like this at some point in our lives.

 

The Power Of Stories On Our Understanding Of Fear And Identity

A talk at Abilene Christian University English class that details what I’m sharing here with three powerful stories

When I first experienced the pain of rejection, it made an imprint, a story.

Stories don’t go away easily.

Imprints that are negative tend to have more staying power than those that are positive.

Unless we’re looking for uplifting stuff.

Then it’s received differently.

Something that hits you and leaves a mark has a pretty strong impact on your outlook on life and yourself.

As I’ve gotten older I realize that my defense mechanisms for dealing with pain and rejection have always been faulty.

An old friend once told me when we were in college that I approached people metaphorically with my arms up in defense (like a boxer).

He said I never let anyone get close enough to know me.

Keeping people away from reaching in to (potentially) cause harm.

 

Being A Community & Relationship Builder Requires Trust

It’s hard to build community, build trust, and gain influence with people if you don’t let them in.

That vulnerability thing is something we all have to deal with.

It’s hard. Painful. It’s risky. And dangerous.

But it might just save your life.

Being vulnerable saved my life.

And it’s also one of the most difficult things I’ve done.

When I realized that being Superman wasn’t all that great, my heart changed.

How can I be understood and valued if I can’t feel or allow others to impact me in a way that leads to feelings, good or bad?

I’ve always been a pretty emotional dude. So that whole idea of being immune to feeling is a bit off.

I could never pull that off.

 

Growth Farming Creates Maximum Impact To Change The Story

We have a choice to make in our lives every day.

We plant within ourselves to produce fruits that people experience.

What we focus on, the stories we believe, determine whether we have impact on our spheres of influence, or go ignored.

I used to plant fear in my heart, and with the stories I told myself.

Fear of rejection, of failure, of being harmed. Fear of being beaten up or being found not good enough.

Turns out that fear is what I produced.

Afraid of not being received and accepted by people kept the folks I wanted to connect with from wanting to engage.

So I felt even more rejected and alone. It wasn’t their fault.

We create the worlds we think about. We create our reality.

If you’ve experienced immense pain and want a way out, discover how to change the beliefs and stories you’ve told yourself with this powerful resource.

 

The Event That Forced Me To Face My Fears

I would avoid people I thought might cause me harm, physical or emotional.

I’d only get so close.

One day I was walking around downtown Abilene and saw this dude on the other side of the road I was going to cross.

He looked kinda tough, with tattoos and baggy pants.

I judged that guy right then.

I thought he might try to hurt me so I turned around and went the other way to avoid him.

That’s no way to live.

I can talk openly about that now because it’s not who I am anymore.

I felt a little voice in my head/heart ask me, “How long are you going to live like this? How long are you going to be a scared little boy afraid of the nonexistent monster under his bed?”

This realization led to me venturing into the amateur boxing realm to overcome that perpetual fear of being harmed.

I ended up joining a boxing gym run by an Air Force coach who engrained in me transformative pieces that changed my life.

I never became a good boxer. But I did lose the fear of getting hurt.

Yet I learned SO much more about life, business, and success from Coach Rivas than I ever imagined.

 

Transformation That Came From A Ring

We naturally want to be around people who empower us. People who make us feel bigger and stronger and able to do more than we believe we can do naturally.

Think about the individuals in your life who give you that feeling.

Those people who give you the feeling of being able to tackle any giant just by being around them.

They evoke a power that is transferred into your spirit. That’s a real superhero.

I no longer want to be Superman. I haven’t for some time.

I want to be Professor X.

You recall him from the X-Men films, played by both Patrick Stewart and James McAvoy.

In the comics, he was the founder of the X-Men and garnered an extremely loyal friendship to each of the members of the team.

Professor X’s real power is his ability to inspire greatness in uncommon individuals, bring them together and show them how to use their gifts to better the world.

He’s a unifier. He’s a teacher.

Because he believes that everyone is capable of great things if they just believe in themselves, they’re able to face incredible obstacles and foes.

A hero worth aspiring to. That’s the kind of leader we need.

And the kind of person who gets the best out of others, and inspires greatness.

Transformation is a process, and this is the evolution that I’m diving into.

Like planting a garden, it takes time.

But when the fruit is fully ripe, it will be bountiful and bless the world I’m connected with in powerful ways.

What about you and the story you’re telling yourself?

How are you going to change the stories you’ve been telling yourself about who you are? I encourage you to reflect on what your inner narrative is.

And if you have thoughts or beliefs that say “I can’t,” or “I’m not good enough,” confront those beliefs.

Because they’re not true.

Choose to plant something different in your mind and heart garden.

If you want help with rewriting your story, use this book to completely transform yourself and get on more solid ground.