It’s annoying when people say, “If you make assumptions, you make an ass out of you and me,” isn’t it?
Duh dude. I’ve heard that before.
But I’m learning that the analogy is a lot more potent than we often want to recognize.
Which leads to a different kind of realization when you think about it.
[By the way, there’s a lot of mention of ass in this blog post. Fair warning]
Let’s talk for a second about assumptions. There are two kinds of assumptions you can have or make: negative assumptions or positive/empowering assumptions.
So where do negative assumptions eat their aggrandized Wheaties for breakfast?
Where do they spend three hours getting dressed to go out at night, and half of that time just in figuring out which shoes to wear with their grossly overpriced outfit? Only a Kardashian would be so outrageous!
See what I did there? Made a negative assumption while talking about assumptions in general. Yeah, I know. I shouldn’t assume you wouldn’t get it…..
Both types of assumptions live in our heads
Negative assumptions do a great job of messing things up in our lives.
Because we think we know what someone else thinks, or believes, or feels or wants or…….
So we make this egregious judgment call about them with the belief that we’re right.
And if we find out we’re not, we feel like a giant, pimply, naked ass that everyone is gawking, pointing, and jeering at.
Yeah, that kind of an ass. What did you think I was referring to?
Here’s the truth
It’s human nature to make assumptions about nearly everything.
Unfortunately, we often attach negative beliefs to other people based on their words, actions, attitudes, and behaviors.
It’s an appraisal of what we believe about someone’s character and intentions.
And sometimes these assumptions can be fairly accurate.
But what about when our assumptions aren’t empowering or positive?
What about when these assumptions are so far away from a desired reality that it’s like William Hung’s aspirations for stardom as a lead vocalist.
I don’t mean to insult William, because I’m not Josh Groban at karaoke either. I sound like Axl Rose being assaulted by rabid cats in the back seat of a Buick Lebaron that desperately needs new belts.
So that inclusion is for (an attempt at) comedic and humorous purposes only.
Don’t make an ass of yourself by thinking that your issue with someone is outside of yourself. It’s not. It’s in your head.
All assumptions lead to judgments or beliefs
Which can lead to potentially going off the rails on a crazy train to destruction.
This means that when you make a negative assumption about someone else, you’re throwing up a gigantic block to your own progress and growth.
Doesn’t matter if we’re talking about your personal relationships or business connections.
You’re getting in your own way. The problem isn’t just in the other person, even if their actions or behaviors are more dysfunctional than a Jerry Springer highlight reel.
Until you talk with someone and see what is really going on, you don’t have all the facts to base your opinion on.
And even when you do have (what you perceive to be) the facts, assumptions can create negative results.
Ah, there’s the rub isn’t it? Perceived “facts”
That elusive thing we want to avoid because it might undermine our belief system.
It says Sheila was purposefully trying to undermine your project so that you wouldn’t get the promotion you deserve.
You know she’s been gunning for your position for a long time.
Her latest episode in going behind your back to make you look bad is a deliberate attempt to take away from all the hard work you’ve been doing.
Or fill in the storyline with the last assumption you made about someone you know.
Here’s another ass-related quote that is very fitting here.
“Opinions are like assholes: everyone’s got one and none of them smell good.”
Opinions aren’t facts
The truth is opinions are an individual’s beliefs, thoughts, ideas, biases, judgments, and (often) assumptions.
Sometimes there are hints of truth inside an opinion. But often it’s just what someone thinks.
Which means our beliefs, thoughts, and opinions create our assumptions.
Here’s the reason why you need to take a close look at what’s inside your head:
What you repeatedly think turns into your beliefs.
You can believe things that are not factual or true
You can believe things about yourself and others that have no basis in fact, truth, data, or accuracy.
Which can lead to you making decisions, taking actions, and fostering attitudes that can really mess up your life.
Like judgments against yourself and others.
Again, this is where negative assumptions become really dangerous in your relationships.
If you lack peace and Love in your perspectives about yourself and others, check what beliefs are running wild like a river rapid in your mind.
If you’re having a hard time connecting with people in your work or trying to make new relationships in your industry, check the kind of assumptions you’re making.
See if the assumptions you’re making are contributing to difficulties with others.
One quick solution: Transform your thoughts and beliefs. Empower yourself with positive assumptions to grow in confidence and wholeness.
Learn how in my latest ebook: Reshaping Your Beliefs, available only through this site.
Trace it all back to negative self-talk
Two very prime experiences led to me not believing in myself or feeling like I am worthy.
These beliefs put my sense of self-worth in a lockbox hidden under the bed.
It didn’t matter how hard I tried to get out, the beliefs of unworthiness and anti-D talk squelched any freedom and peace.
One was something a complete stranger said to me when I was 12 years old. I was riding my bike outside and a pretty girl passed me in a truck and yelled, “You’re the ugliest kid I’ve ever seen!”
It didn’t make any sense for a stranger I’d never met to yell something mean that wasn’t true.
So I believed she was speaking the facts to me.
At that moment, I believed that I was the ugliest kid in the world.
And I carried that negative belief with me for over 2 decades.
Another experience is something an old boss said to me in a meeting. “No one is going to care about that we do, or the difference we make in our community. These people don’t value anything and don’t buy anything from us either. We’re just wasting our time.”
That was a piece of the negative work environment I lived in for over a decade.
Being around that constant negativity impacted how I saw myself, my work, my contributions, and whether I’d be successful at anything.
It was like spending all day at a bingo hall with 65 chain-smokers, binging 8 packs each of Marlboro Lights, and thinking I wouldn’t get lung cancer.
If you spend large amounts of time in negative environments, you’re going to be negatively impacted by it all.
Negative assumptions, beliefs, and attitudes create negative atmospheres that hinder the growth and success of everyone in them.
The domino effect of negative assumptions
Here are some negative assumptions that impacted my professional and personal life:
“No one wants what I have to offer.”
“They’re not going to buy from me.”
“She’s gorgeous, and can get any guy she wants. She’s not going to want to talk to me. I don’t have anything to offer…”
Does any of that sound familiar? Is it something you’ve told yourself before and believed was true? You’re not alone.
This sounds eff-ing depressing to read from the guy who puts light and Love into everything.
Negative assumptions serve as kryptonite in my work to deliver a dose of Vitamin D Grant empowerment to the world.
Before my starting my journey into self-Love, which I detail in my latest book, I struggled with these depressing thoughts and beliefs.
Which led to me making some very unhealthy assumptions about other people.
These negative assumptions would not hold up in a court of law, truth, or reality.
The defense would have paltry evidence if any.
So if it won’t hold up in any court, why still hold it as truth in your mind?
Since 2017, I’ve been making changes in how I think and doing the mindset shifts to overcome these negative assumptions.
Part of the transition is what I talk about in my book Be Solid: How To Go Through Hell & Come Out Whole.
Dangers of operating out of negative assumptions
In all of this stuff, it’s a matter of getting in your own way by getting too much into your own head and doing so in the most ass-backward way possible. By tearing yourself and others down.
My good friend and connection superhero Steve Palfreyman once told me,
“The more you back yourself, the faster you’ll get there.”
This statement has proven over and over to be 10,000% true.
When we don’t support ourselves by fostering negative self-talk and dysfunctional beliefs, it has detrimental consequences.
It’s like a machine gun used in the Expendables movies (the kind that never runs out of bullets), aiming at your own feet, and squeezing the trigger.
The problem with that is trying to walk like a normal person after it’s over.
You can’t think in successful terms or foster healthy relationship habits when you take yourself out.
And you take yourself out with worries, doubts, insecurities, and fears.
All are driven by negative beliefs assumptions and beliefs.
We all hate it when we’re on a long road trip and suddenly you come upon a massive accident.
The kind where there are trucks with big flashing yellow lights. Firetrucks, police cars, and ambulances are rushing to the scene. You know it’s bad.
And not only is it bad, but they’ve also blocked the whole interstate off. No one can move through.
The exits are blocked from all the people trying to get off the road. You’re stuck.
Good thing you were planning on getting to your destination in a few hours. It looks like it will take days now.
That’s what we do to ourselves. And we. Do. It. To. Ourselves.
Which sucks ass
The alternative is to not operate like this.
Which requires some different kinds of actions.
The kind where you look at your thoughts, attitudes, beliefs, and actions with some skepticism.
At least at first. It means asking yourself if what you think is true.
And if that thought serves you. That’s what personal development involves.
Take different actions to improve yourself and get out of your own funk.
If it is true, and you can prove it, ok. If it serves you and makes you a better person, good.
And if it helps you grow and overcome an obstacle, rock on!
But if it doesn’t, if it takes away from you, robbing you of your peace and solidarity, then kick it’s ass to the curb.
Because otherwise, you’re letting your inner critic dictate to you who you are and what you can do, and what you can’t.
No one wants to empower a bully to do what bullies do.
Instead, surround yourself with some badass affirmations, good positive people, and a new set of beliefs to change the game and bring about the kind of life you want to have.
Replace the negative junk in your head with something else
It’s about changing the game for yourself to have what it is that you really want: peace, confidence, and happiness.
Did this speak to you in the stuff that’s going on inside your head?
Have you made assumptions that have damaged your relationships or your growth as a person?
Don’t spend another day struggling with this stuff.
Learn how to overcome the negative beliefs that are holding you back. These beliefs can feel like a form of hell.
Transform from the hell of heartbreak and negative beliefs through the powerful lessons in this free training.
Author Bio: Hi, I’m D Grant Smith, the Relationship Growth Farmer. I help you learn how to grow Love within yourself to transform your confidence and experience truly healthy, Loving Relationships.
Your support of my work from this blog is greatly appreciated. Here’s where to give your support.
Want more direct and personal help implementing what you learned here into your life? Find out more about how I can help you personally right here.
You must be logged in to post a comment.